*hushed silence* Could it be? Why would he lead off with a picture of the first-ever female Heavyweight Intercontinental Champion?
*ooooooohhh* He's just messing with our minds, now showing us the single GREATEST Intercontinental Champion ever, coincidentally a man. (Shut up JSP, I hear you on the Hitman. Time and place for everything.)
Continuing the recent tradition of Who Knows When The Results Will Actually Come In, I'm posting this late on Sunday night. (Hopefully everyone sees it; JPX - can you keep it at the top until at least The Champ comments?) Sorry for the delay; it's been a hectic few days as I plan for MrsX & I to jet off to the Bahamas on Wednesday for our first true vacation together in, well, ever. Thankfully, the Butler Service we signed up for at Sandals will place the toilet paper roll in the CORRECT way. With that in mind, here's how my favorites broke down:
First up, The Women:
AC -
my college boyfriend
used the floor to store laundry
both clean and dirty
men win the contest
of superhero weapons
gold lasso, really?
(Summed up the laundry and superhero situations both eloquently and wonderfully. I was hoping for others to jump on the "hero haiku" wagon, but AC pretty much said it all right there. Genius.)
Cat:
Up at 2am
What noise has awakened me?
The room smells of farts
Up at 3am
What noise has awakened me?
King Kong is snoring
Up at 4am
Now what has awakened me?
Toenail scratched my leg
Up at 5am
Still awake because I'm pissed!
Think I'll try the couch
(These could all have also been penned by MrsX, and the series itself was the front-runner for a good portion of the day. Alas...)
DCD -
Take care of the kids,
clean the house, laundry, lunches...
Then you want sex? Pffft.
(Umm...yes. Yes we do.)
Julie - (I feared we wouldn't hear from her, thank goodness she showed :)
No cars, no sports, nope.
Two hundred thousand Legos.
Very organized.
(I don't doubt this number's accurate.)
Shit, here comes Octo!
He has a bat! Help me! Help!
Sorry, just kidding.
(The hilariousnessness of both Octo attacking and subsequently Julie having to appeal for help in haiku form was brilliant.)
And now, The Fellahs:
JPX -
If you fight with them
You won't get access to boobs
Just say, "You're right, dear"
(Mmm-hm.)
Sure there is no god
But if there was I'd tell him
Thanks for making boobs
(Mmm-hm.)
JSP -
Some girls like Star Wars
They’re not fooling anyone
They don’t understand
(I should also mention the "Black folks drive like this" 'ku, which made me chuckle, only because I'm in the middle of a revival of Simpsons seasons 3-8 right now. Homer's next line: "It's TRUE! We're SO lame!" Well-timed, and a big "Bulgaria" right back at you...)
And finally, our winner, which proves nothing about the overall battle, or who's actually winning (Men):
Octo:
Moral? I'll tell you:
Sometimes a dick's convenient
Sometimes it isn't
Borne out of the larger Peeing-In-The-Sink Series (somehow I knew that would generate some heat), this haiku, the more I looked at it, stood proudly on its own as a stand-alone example of the whole difference between men & women. Symbolic and appropriate, it's definitely one of those "the more you think about it" great examples of poetry. Congratulations, good sir!
Thank you to all for another wonderful, brilliant installment this week, and I hope to contribute at least a bit this coming week, but we'll see how Internet-y Great Exuma Island is once I get there. If I don't appear, rest assured in the knowledge that I am face down in the sand, and they are prying my pina colada from my warm, dead, tan hands.
All of my love to you all - THON!!!
(I keep waiting for one week's champion to basically say, "You know what? We're fucking OUT of topics. We've covered absolutely EVERYTHING. Your topic this week? Zucchini. Have fun!" That's what it almost came to for me, then MrsX yelled at me about something. Probably drinking too much. And thus, the topic was born.)
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