HHD Champion:

I know, I know - Again. After I joked about doing it last time. First Ever Back-To-Back Victories. I agonized over doing it, because there seemed to be an unspoken rule against it. But dammit, I had to do it. Her stuff this week was inspired, dramatic, hilarious and also somewhat disturbing. She really painted a breathtaking picture of her high school experience. Suspensions, molestations, a jaw-dropping collection of teachers ("stiff" gym teacher, bestial art teacher, and that's just scratching the surface...). Overall, I was incredibly impressed. A+++.

Here's the crown jewel, the one with everything: humor, imagery, poetry, implication, and that ineffable ability to have 17 syllables tell an entire story:

She picked out her pet
Handsome dear, get me coffee
All the boys ran…ran

(It's the repetition of "ran" at the end that really says so much more about what's going on. I assume it referred to the music teacher from the prior haiku, and I love how it implies so much about what the boys would do. It reminds me of the Far Side cartoon with the deer hunter hiding behind the tree near the deer outhouse: "Hank knew the spot well; he only had to wait. The deer would come, the deer would come."

Class was sparsely attended, (I second-guessed the topic to death) but those in class had some genius stuff that made it a very enjoyable day, and a difficult choice. Witness:

JPX -
Because of Jimmy
I had braces for 3 years
I hope he's dead now

(My early favorite to take it all. Hysterical.)

AC -
in 11th grade
listened to "the wall" nightly
retained THOSE lessons

(Mmmm hmmmm. Hear where you're comin' from.)

JSP
Seventh grade crisis
Tim Jones stole my ham sandwich
I will get revenge

(The amount of material this one petty act has generated is staggering. Tim Jones And The Sandwich could be a weekly topic.)

Cat:
Mr. MacGregor
Once stood on a chair for height
Just to yell at me

(GREAT image. Especially the thought of him going to get the chair, moving it into position, while you wait and watch. Priceless.)

Octo:

It's hard to look tough
After ten minutes on ground
Clutching and mewling

(When you really think about it, it's very true.)

Landshark: (always good to see you)

Hairy sweaty arm
Holding my cherished delights
Come to me gagger

Harley Davidson
Intimidating machine
Get out of my way

(I know these weren't strictly "for" this week's topic, but nevertheless I almost made them the winners. I could NOT stop from hearing Mr. Baker actually doing a reading of both of them. The first one in particular, the last line - MR BAKER: "...come to me...(pause, look up at class, take glasses off)...gagger." I did a video in high school centered around Mr. Baker (played with hypnotic accuracy by one Seth Milman.) Both of these are GREAT haikus, but the Baker element makes them truly, truly special.)

JSP, see me after class.

Well done, everyone! Sorry for the late, sparse post but work has been monstrous this week.

Congratulations again, Whirly! Horrorthon's first Back-To-Back Champion!